The End Result

End Result = all of my children (when grown up and with families of their own) faithfully loving and serving the Lord.

I’ve been pondering for weeks the fact that I have no control over the end result and how in the end - when the children are grown - they will make their own decisions about God regardless of me.

But in all my pondering (and angst) I’d forgotten something important: Obedience.

Maybe that makes no sense to you. And honestly I’m not eloquent enough to explain it, but it hit me that the answer to the question is obedience. As in am I willing to do whatever God calls me to do regarding these children and any future children regardless of the end result? Regardless.

It is seems odd and it doesn’t really make any sense, but remembering this one little fact brought peace. It was like God said, Let me worry about the end result. You be obedient. You keep doing what I’ve called you to do. That is your part.

Peace. Amazing.

I’ve been thinking since that I have the same job as a missionary. The missionary goes into the jungle and tells the natives about Christ. Sometimes the natives come to the Lord; sometimes there is more requried... Sometimes the natives kill the missionary, but the missionary's call is one of obedience - to go into the jungle and present the gospel to the natives regardless of the end result. My job is the same. I am not called to save my children. I am simply called to present them with the message that will save them (Christ) and to raise them according to God's Wod.

Maybe if we (parents) thought of ourselves are missionaries to our children it would change the way we parent and the very way we live our lives.

Like a Warm Cup of Coffee has a similar post up.

From Mary A. Kassian's new book

Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

I have talked to thousands of women who have fallen into sin because they were unconcerned about their exposure to worldliness and complacent about pondering the way of the Lord. You are mistaken if you think that going to church for an hour a week will counteract the influence of thirty-three hours of TV. Do not think that you can constantly listen to ungodly counsel and remain uninfluenced by it - especially if you are not in the habit of pursuing godly input. Daily exposure to the world’s way without a counteracting exposure to God’s way will kill you just as surely as ingesting bits of poison without an antidote will. -from Girls Gone Wise in a world gone wild by Mary A. Kassian

Amen!

I think you will be reading quite a few passages from this book over the next few days or weeks.

And (hand-in-hand with this book) - Modesty Revisited

For the last few weeks I’ve been listening to Nancy L. DeMoss teach on Modesty. I don’t even know what to say - my dear husband is getting tired of listening to me talk about it (and the questions) and still I'm pondering (and praying) about the messages and yesterday I was almost in tears as I considered myself and my life (and I consider myself fairly modest). And I have to confess that the concept of being responsible for my brothers in Christ just weighs me down…it almost immobilizes me…which brings me to this…if you are my brother in Christ and I have in any way been immodest and caused you to sin I sincerely apologize.

Ladies, I'd like to suggest that you listen to Nancy’s lessons on modesty and really ponder and pray about what she has to say - I think that you will be challenged - even if you think that you are modest. Btw, one of the simple truths that I've realized over the course of listening to these lessons and reading a few blogs by some amazing young women (who are seeking to dress modestly and live Christ centered lives - and really impress me and make me hope and pray that my sons find girls like these to marry) is that modesty and femininity are not the same thing. One can be modest without being the least bit feminine. And I think that if we look at our roles - created male and female - women are supposed to act and dress in a feminine manner.

One last thing...if you have been intrigued by this topic, another lesson on this subject that just rocked my world was this sermon by C.J. Mahaney - all I can say is, “Wow!”

If you have time to listen to only one thing (and surely you have more time than that), listen to Mahaney.

P.S. I once asked if this outfit was modest. I've since come to the conclusion that it was not. My skirt was too short and so was Bessie's. Plus, with the rain, t-shirts were a bad, bad idea. (Not that I knew it was going to rain, but that doesn't matter.) And...I'm not a spring chicken any more so I am presently pondering whether I should even wear t-shirts at all. The question then becomes, what do I wear on a casual day? All I've ever known is t-shirts (and jeans). Dressing up to go somewhere special (church) is easy...but figuring out what to wear on a casual day is not.

Modesty

What is modest dressing? I can honestly say that I struggle with this issue. Not in the sense of showing too much skin, but as in wondering whether my skirts need to go down to my toes and whether it is okay to wear pants, jeans or Capri pants?

Here is an interesting post on modesty. It is long, but worth reading.

Here is a little more info on modesty.

I really believe that the modesty issue is really something to ponder and pray about.

Before I read Stacey and Amanda’s posts I had decided to keep the following story to myself because I know that it will sound a bit bizarre to some, but it seems a strange providence that Stacey McDonald would post on this very issue even as I’ve been pondering similar things in my heart (and I know of no one whom I can turn to ask about it) so I’ve decided for better or worse to share. Please know beforehand that I have come to no definite conclusions on the modesty issue. I do believe that women should dress modestly, but whether that means just being aware of how tight and revealing our clothes are or whether it means wearing skirts/dresses all the time I know not. I can only walk as the Lord directs me.

~The story ~

For our trip to Dollywood I dressed everyone in an orange shirt so it would be easy to locate us all. (Mark was beside himself over my color choice. He couldn’t get over the fact that I choose orange, but it happened accidentally – I already had three children with orange shirts - so I just went with what I had on hand and purchased two more orange shirts and then found matching shirts for Mark and myself from what we already had in our closets – and “voila!” we all matched.) And because I’ve been pondering my own style of dress and the way I dress my girls (I’ve been pondering and changing for about two-three years now) in view of certain modesty ideas (Return of the Daughters, etc.). I dressed the girls in simple skirts (that matched their orange shirts) and I wore a skirt as well with an orange shirt. (Modest for us, but not as modest as some.) Anyway, while we were waiting for Mark to get us some lemonade a lady walked up to me and said, “It is nice to see your family dressed modestly.” And then she walked away. She and her girls (I think she had three – five children total) were dressed in very cute long split skirts or culottes. They were very practical and I’ve only seen them worn a time or two. I wanted to ask her if she made them herself, but I was too caught up in her words to bring myself to go over and talk to her further. Later I saw her again and would have gone up to her, but the opportunity did not present itself.

I have to admit that this was the first time I have ever been given this type of a compliment and it took me back a bit. I didn’t know how to respond and to be honest I wasn’t sure it was a compliment.

I did say “thank you” but it was rather blunderingly done. Btw, the park was full of Christians, so much so that Bethany (9) noticed and commented on it later.

Throughout the rest of that very rainy day (we got very wet in our skirts and orange T-shirts) I felt myself contemplating the idea of modesty and wondering just how modest we women have to be? I found myself wondering if my little knee length skirt was even considered modest? Is cute and somewhat trendy immodest? Do woman have to look frumpy to be modest? Do I have to look the part of the forty something woman that I am? And does being modest mean I have to wear a dress or skirt all the time?

When I took the girls horseback riding I just couldn't leave Bethany in a skirt. I contemplated it, but the impracticalness of it over rode my desire to be modest. I even changed my own clothes and put on a pair of capri pants. I did leave Bess in the play dress she was wearing and was firmly chastised by my mother (pictured with Bess below). Nevermind that Bess had shorts on beneith her dress.

Here is a picture of one of Bethany's outfits. At the time I thought it was modest, but as the day progressed I began to have doubts. The "shirt" she is wearing is actually almost knee length and dress like. Instead of leggings she has on a pair of short capris jeans. What do you think?

A sweet lady in our Sunday school class recently mentioned the lack of Titus 2 role models and I know her lament. Where do I find a woman with more children than myself – preferably with some that are older, who home schools, and who would understand this modesty issue, and is a devoted, strong, mature Christian woman who loves the Lord, her family and her husband, and would gently answer all of my crazy questions without judgment or condemnation, and love me and guide me even when I am foolish and out of line? Where have the Grandmothers gone?

So that is it. I’ve shared. I apologize for giving you no real conclusion. I know that the tale feels unfinished. And that is because it is. It is still in progress in me. I have no answers or ending statements as I’m still figuring it all out.

I know that you are wondering what to do with this post and the answer is “I don’t know.” Ignore it if you want. Or if you have any thoughts, feel free to share.

A Meek and Quiet Spirit (cont.)

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:11-12

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. –Proverbs 31:23

The heart of my husband cannot trust in me if he is afraid of the words that will proceed out of my mouth. By my actions and the words that proceed from my mouth (and out of my heart) I can bring him good and be his crown or I can bring him evil and be a millstone around his neck.

Today I read this quote by Matthew Henry. I think it sums up my husband’s approach to conflict perfectly.

"It is better by silence to yield to our brother, who is, or has been, or may be, our friend, than by angry speaking to yield to the devil, who has been, and is, and ever will be our sworn enemy." —Matthew Henry

Meekness does not mean I never speak, share an opinion, or disagree with my husband or others, but meekness acts under the grace and control of the Spirit of God. –Kimberly Wagner

To read more about what Kimberly has to say about meekness (much better than my little blurb) you will want to read her blog post Imperishable Beauty.

A Meek and Quiet Spirit

…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. -1 Peter 3:4-6 (ESV)

Over the last three or four years God has been teaching me so much about holding my tongue and not pressing my opinion.

I still have far to go, and I still find myself stumbling, but I do believe that with the Lord’s help I am making baby steps in the right direction.

Over the years I’ve learned that whenever I have a question about whether or not I should press my case, or present my case, or even respond to a questionable issue I go to my husband and ask for his opinion on what I want to say. (In fact, I try to ask his opinion about most things. Because 1. I want to know if we are on the same page and, 2. If we are not on the same page, I want to know his view on the issue so that I will know how to respond and not bring him shame by responding out of line.)

Let me tell you that this is NOT easy to do. It is extremely humbling to go to my husband and ask his opinion on an issue and have him come back and say. “Not acceptable” and/or “Don’t say anything” or worse yet, “You are doing it again.”

You are doing it again.

drip, drip, drip...

i.e. Where is your meek and quiet spirit? Why do you have to make your position known? Why is it important that the person understands you? It isn’t important!

Me: But it is. It is!

Mark: No, it really isn’t (important).

You might question why I even ask his opinion if I know that half the time his counsel will be for me to remain silent (and you would think that I’d just learn my lesson and not need to say anything – I am getting there, but still self tries to rear its ugly head). It is because I do not live alone and all I do reflects back on him.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. –Proverbs 12:4

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. –Proverbs 11:2

To be continued...

Right Here; Right Now

I’m sitting here feeling the adrenaline that has kept me moving all morning fade and weariness hit. We’ve been schooling most of the morning and I’m tired.

The minute I sit down my energy fades. At night I’m asleep almost as soon as I settle on the couch to watch TV with Mark – usually around 8:30 p.m..

I was up several times with Ben last night. He is finally over a cold that he fought most of the Christmas holiday. Now something else weird is going on with him. Teething, I think. As I mentioned, he has been waking several times each night for several nights now and it is catching up with me...strike that...running me over .

I’m mindlessly eating from a bag of Texas Style Jalapeno Chips. (Can you tell I’m tired?) The bag says that they are “Intensely Different”. I like them. I also like Salt and Vinegar chips so I guess I like intense flavors…at least in chips.

Outside a boy and two little girls fly past the kitchen window. The boy holds a small sword in his hand; the girls are wearing brightly colored capes that are fluttering in the wind. It’s cold out for Houston, but these three, like their Mom, like the cold.

I’m reminded of my youth…I used to run around my yard with a cape on and a sword in hand…or actually my weapon of choice was a bow. The difference between my children and myself is that I had to make my own cape and bow and my children wear and wield store bought versions. Bess is also wearing a pink Tu-tu. I have to grin. She looks so cute. Caleb’s sword is pretty cool. I would have loved to have had it as a child.

I recently joined Facebook. Well, actually I joined a long time ago and never did anything with my page; now I feel like I’ve jumped into a rapidly moving river – kind of like the Lazy River at the local Splash Park turned up on high – and along the way I’m running into all the friends I’ve ever known.

I’m still not convinced that there is any real good purpose to Facebook. The connections are nice, but I can’t help but wonder if it isn’t just another way for me to waste time that I don’t have to begin with.

Well, Ben is awake now and the day isn’t over…I still have reading to do with Aaron and Bess to nap (Yes, at 3:00 p.m. – we are running a little behind today) and bills to pay later (a task that ranks right up there with cleaning the bathroom).

So let me leave you with this little exerpt from a book I recently finished. It has nothing to do with anything or maybe it does - I'm not sure, but even if it doesn't, maybe it will inspire you a little.

To live with a sense of wonder is to be aware, every day, that life is a drama and your Maker is the main character. You are His beloved that He came to rescue and whisk away to a happily-ever-after. As we carry out the mundane routines of our everyday lives and we lose our focus on what truly matters, it’s easy to feel drained by the pressures and forget that life is a beautiful love story between yourself and your Maker, an awesome adventure in which you live against the odds that try to destroy you, a comedy at times in which the strangest and funniest situations take place, and a meaningful drama in which there are life lessons and spiritual parallels everywhere we turn. –from When You’re Running on Empty by Cindi McMenamin

Prayer Part 4

Yesterday morning (sorry the story still isn't finished) Aaron woke up and told me that he’d seen an Alien in the house. Yes. Complete with scales and a long tail. Yes, really. We don’t talk much about Aliens so this was a very odd thing to hear. He went on to tell me about how he saw it peeking around the corner of his room and how he was afraid and prayed that God would protect him and the rest of us and get rid of the creature. Notice his response to this creature? At his age (10) I did not know the Lord and I would not have prayed for protection, because no one ever told me I should or could, so I would have cowered with my head under my blankets and been afraid. Aaron was afraid too, but he knows that he has Someone bigger than himself, bigger than me, even bigger than his father to whom he can turn to in time of need. He also knows that this Someone loves him very, very much. Would I want it any other way? Was his prayer trivial? Did I tell him that God didn’t care about his experience with the Alien? No. Regardless of whether I believe that the Alien was real or not I want him to know that he has Someone whose name is God, and who has a Son named Jesus, and a helper named the Holy Spirit to whom he can turn in time of need and all other times as well. But, do I want him to pray only in time of need?

No. Pray without ceasing.

Why? Because – and this is the crux of everything - prayer is about building a relationship with God. Aaron can’t get to know God unless he spends time talking to Him and learning about His character. You can’t get to know God unless you spend time with Him. And you can’t hear God speak unless you are so used to talking to him that You can hear and recognize His voice when He speaks.

And the Lord came and stood, calling as at other times, “Samuel! Samuel! And Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant hears.” 1 Samuel 3:10

Why didn’t Samuel recognize the Lord’s voice the first three times? Because he couldn’t distinguish God’s voice from Eli’s voice. He didn’t recognize the Lord’s voice.

I have no doubt that after God’s fourth call Samuel never again mistook God’s voice for the voice of anyone other than God. Why? Because he was familiar with God’s voice. From that time on he was listening for God’s voice and he was talking to God regularly.

Prayer.

Only one more left. I'll post part 5 tomorrow. (Donna, I bet you had no idea your question would spark this many posts. Thank you and sorry.)

Prayer Part 3

Continuing the story from yesterday…

The next thing that happened was that Ben woke up around 3:00 a.m. and wouldn’t go back to sleep (which for him is not normal). I nursed him, and eventually he did go back to sleep. But, again, where did I turn?

To prayer.

I immediately prayed for him because he wasn’t himself and seemed to be in pain. Yet, as I lay back down to sleep I pondered my reaction. Was prayer necessary? Maybe he would have gone back to sleep anyway. More than likely he would have, so why pray? Was/is his sleeping/not sleeping even important to God? Doesn't He (God) have more important - read that "bigger"- things to worry about? Starving children in Africa?

But, maybe my praying wasn't just about calming down my little son...maybe there was/is something else going on...something more.

Pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17)…these words kept echoing through my mind throughout the night and into the morning…along with...pray like breathing…never ceasing. Constant.

You have said, "Seek my face."My heart says to you, "Your face, LORD, do I seek."
-Psalm 27:8

What if I didn't have this option? What if prayer was not an option - ever? Or only an option for "big ticket" issues. And how would I know what qualified as a "big ticket" issue? What might seem big to me might be little to God.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! -Psalm 27:7

P.S. Last night (Monday) I went in to check on Ben before heading to bed and he was hot with fever. Even as I ministered to his physical needs I prayed over him again and this morning his fever was gone.

Jesus went on from there and walked beside the Sea of Galilee. And he went up on the mountain and sat down there. And great crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute, and many others, and they put them at his feet, and he healed them, so that the crowd wondered, when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled healthy, the lame walking, and the blind seeing. And they glorified the God of Israel. -Matthew 15:29-31

And they glorified the God of Israel. -Matthew 15:31 (And they were Gentiles.)

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. -Isaiah 26:3

Prayer Part 2

More about prayer.

Continuing the story…later that night Mark and I spoke a little more about prayer and then we both fell fast asleep on the couch. When I awoke it was midnight. I went upstairs to check on the children and then I went back downstairs and woke Mark so he could go to bed. After he woke up (which he does not do easily) I walked into our bedroom and left him to follow after me. Before I got very far I heard a crash. I went back out into the living room and found him on the floor. He said that his legs had given out and he’d fallen. I tried to help him up and he said that he was dizzy and that his legs weren’t working. After a few minutes he was able to get up and with my help make it to bed…he seems fine this morning and can barely remember the strange occurrence…but it is slightly worrisome. I’m wondering if he had a small stroke.

So why am I sharing this, how does it relate to prayer? Because of what I immediately did when he fell. I immediately prayed. I immediately turned to God. And what a relief. Yes! What if I didn’t have this option? What if I couldn’t turn to God and to prayer because this issue was too trivial? Too meager, already arranged and unimportant to God, then I would be like so many unsaved who have nothing and no One to rely upon. There would be no hope.

We have a Hope.

What a blessing to be able to immediately call upon God for help. Did I once question whether or not God would care? No. Because I know that He loves Mark and that He cares for me. And I know that He wants me to call upon Him just as I would want my children to call upon me in their time of need…regardless of whether I am able to help them or not.

But, as I lay in bed later that night I thought about why I had prayed and I questioned whether I really needed to pray in the first place because wouldn’t God’s will be accomplished anyway? I continued to ponder this…and as you will see other things happened later that night and into this morning which lead me to ponder this issue further and in the end confirmed my belief that prayer – even for the little things - is really necessary. (But, maybe not for the reason you might think.)

More later.

Prayer Part 1

Last night Mark and I had a wonderful conversation with a sweet friend of ours about prayer.

How I love conversations like that.

We talked about whether or not we should pray for the little things – like our children’s character issues, or selling our homes, or buying a new car, or job situations - the everyday things; the little things.

Last night Mark said, “Yes” the little things are important to God.

What do you think? Are the little things important to God?

Now I have to stop for a minute and brag on my hubby…it is amazing to me and so precious to be able to listen to him speak of the things of God and to know that what he has to say is right on biblically and wise, so wise…it is wonderful. How I rejoice that the Lord chose to pair me with this godly man. How thankful I am for Mark. I see and hear him teach every Sunday, but for some reason as I listened to him last night – it was beautiful. Just beautiful. And as I listened to him speak last night and learned from him (for I did) I found myself praising God that He choose to place me where I am. I think back to when we met and who we were then and I think, “Who would have thought?” And some still don’t (think so) because they just don’t know (him), because they don’t spend enough time with him, or think that because he doesn’t blog he doesn’t think (but which in fact probably makes him wiser than most of us), or they are still caught in a time warp and think he is still who he was as a child, or as a teenager, or even as a young man…and he is not! And I am so thankful.

I honestly believe that once you decide to step into the whirlwind with God…to surrender yourself and do whatever God calls you to do – be it something you like or don’t like – He will change you and you will never be the same. You can’t be the same once you’ve been in the presence of God. He won’t let you. If you come into the presence of God and you aren’t changed (and I’m not talking immediate transformation but gradual and consistent change), then something is wrong. But I digress…

I’ll write more when I have time.

Countdown to Thanksgiving

Yesterday marked the first day of my four day countdown to Thanksgiving.

Yesterday (day 1) I (dani) spent the day doing…what? I can hardly recall. Oh, yes, laundry. How could I possibly forget the mounds and mounds of laundry…some of which are still around this morning.

Thank you, Lord, for my washing machine and my dryer. Thank you that I have clothes to wash.

For some reason as I anticipate the arrival of this week I always think I’ll be able to use it to catch up on all the things I’m behind on (like reading) and that it will be a restful week. Not so. It’s always a busy week.

Praise God for busyness. Wouldn’t life be boring without all these children and their mounds of clothes.

What else did I do yesterday? I got my hair cut (although I can hardly tell the difference) and the girls and I went to grocery and bought our half (the relatives bring the rest) of Thanksgiving dinner…btw, whatever happened to free turkeys?

Thank you, Lord, for the lady who cut and styled my hair – I pray that she will have a blessed and restful Thanksgiving. Thank you, for Ben who went with us to the store and sat quietly in the cart even though I forgot his pacifier in the car and we were in the store forever.

Today is cleaning day and painting day. (If I don't have time to paint, the house will just have to look like it looks…in need of…help. Sorry folks.) Tomorrow the girls and I will be baking and cleaning (again). Tomorrow Mark will brine the turkey. Then, Thursday is Thanksgiving.

Thank You, Lord, for all I have to do and for all the family members who will be here to celebrate with us on Thanksgiving day...

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, but this year I feel ill prepared for it. Thanksgiving has gotten lost in the rush of…everything.

Sadly, I haven’t spent much time praising God for His goodness. I’ve been overly focused on myself and my wants and needs. Focused on things that make no difference...

Today as I go about my chores I’m going to turn on the radio and turn my thoughts away from myself. While I’m cleaning I will spend the time thanking God for everything – the good and the bad…the fun and the not so fun...the sunshine and the clouds…everything.

“Regardless of how I feel, I can choose to give thanks…” –Nancy Leigh DeMoss

What are you thankful for today? Better yet, what less-than-good thing in your life are you thankful for?

Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise! –Psalm 95:2