On Forgiveness

Again.

Ann Voscamp has such a gift. If you haven’t visited holy experience in awhile, it is time. Grab a Kleenex. You will need it.

Start here, but be sure to read this. Be sure to make yourself a cup of tea or java before you sit down - you will be spending a bit of time with her.

She writes about forgiveness, pain and thankfulness. Truth in prose.

I have been thinking about similar things. About my parents too. Not abuse, but...something like. Not what we have now. Joy. Beauty. Peace. Quiet. Family. Love. Togetherness. Christ.

I'm thinking about Lydia Brownback and all that she has been teaching me about joy. About how it is not and should not be based on circumstances. About how it is a gift and a responsibility.

So I pray.

Last time they (my parents) were here I failed. Miserably. Horribly. Maybe the worst ever. I've gotten good and making it through, but last time. I don't know...I wasn't ready. Wasn't "prayed up". I had decided that I wasn't going to be moved - i.e. affected. But, I was. During the entire visit I was 16 again. I was caught. Later, after the worst, I saw them.

Who? What?

Vultures. My husband laughs at me, but...their timing was impeccable. I never see them...and yet...on that day at that time...gotta wonder.

The invisible made visible.

And again a few days later when I lost it again because I still had not recovered from before…I saw another. A single vulture closer to home. Too close for comfort. The first time I saw a group. The second, one alone, feeding. Ugh! If you have read Dekker's Circle Trilogy you will understand.

Sometimes I look at my past and I wish I could rewrite it. Often.

I know what it is to live without Him and I've never gotten over my thankfulness...that He chose to save me. Plucked right out of the pit.

Yesterday I was listening to Christy Nockles sing about grace and I was thinking about Jesus taking the wrath of us all upon Himself. I needed Kleenex then too.

Sometimes forgiving is easy - it is figuring out how to live with the person or persons once you’ve forgiven them that is hard.

So we cultivate joy by clinging to God in times of sorrow and by repenting of all known sin in our lives. Along with these we fix our minds on God and pour ourselves into discovering who he is. The more we know him, the more joyful we will be as the wonders of his character are increasingly revealed to us. Joy is not only a gift but also a responsibility. -Lydia Brownback